So. Freaking. Hot.

Today in London it was 33° Celsius. That’s 91° Fahrenheit for all you American types out there. It’s 9pm now, and it’s still 28°.

And that, my friends, is too freaking hot. Now, of course, I’d be all used to that kind of heat if I lived in Australia or California or even Toronto. But if I lived in those places I would probably have air conditioning.

I would sell my soul right now for air conditioning.

Seriously.

It’s too hot to be inside, because of the previously mentioned lack of air conditioning. It’s too hot to be outside, because of the scorching sun. I was sitting on the flat roof outside my window for about half an hour, and realized two things.

First that it was too hot for that kind of madness. And second that if I stayed out for any longer I would be the colour of … well, something that’s really red, despite my liberal coating of sunscreen. I’m just too pale for that kind of madness.

Add to that the fact that I was hungover, and the fan that I ever so cleverly bought a few weeks ago is too freaking small to do anything useful and the fact that I am currently trying to be on a budget and not do things like go to air-conditioned movie theatres, and what you have is an irritable and slightly sweaty Alice.

What does that leave me to do? Complain.

I want to have a garden, like Buffy’s delightful garden in which we barbequed yesterday afternoon. Or a garden like Nathan’s, in which we drank and made merry at his birthday party last night (please see the aforementioned hangover). Or a roof terrace like Clare’s, on which there were many delightful barbeques last year and many to come this year. Or a huge balcony/terrace thing like Heather’s, on which there is actually room for furniture and you can access it using a door rather than climbing out of a window, which is not very graceful and fabulous. Especially when you have to try to be careful to not knock over the fishes.

Did I mention that I’m irritable? Extreme heat does that to me.

I know that heat is relative, and if I was back in Toronto then I’d be all “ooh, it’s a bit warm today, isn’t it?”, rather than moaning about the heat.

Of course, in Toronto right now it’s 22°.

And, in Toronto, I lived in an air-conditioned condo, drove an air-conditioned car and worked in an air-conditioned office.

Like I said – irritable. And don’t even get me started on the conflicted weather reports for tomorrow. It’s either going to be sunny and again freakishly hot, or all thunderstormy. How is a girl to make sensible footwear decisions?

Did I mention? Too freaking hot.

The Birds

I had a very scary experience the other day. I'm really lucky tha I managed to survive. I could be writing this from beyond the grave, if not for my quick thinking.

It was a warm Sunday, and I had my window open. Now, it's quite a large window, which is lovely. I look out onto a flat roof and if my fish weren't in the way, it would be very easy for me to climb out and enjoy the roof.

Or, very easy for someone to climb in. You know, to steal my furniture or tv or fish. Fishnappers can be such trouble.

Now, don't worry. I wasn't accosted by strange men climbing in my window. I was not murdered by crazed daytime thieves. That's a huge relief, I'm sure.

I was across the room when I heard a vague fluttering sound. "Well, that's odd", I thought. I went and looked and what did I see?

Pigeons.

But not just one pigeon. Not even two pigeons, out on a nice Sunday afternoon date. This was a horde of pigeons. Or whatever the word is for a group of pigeons. They looked like a horde to me. A marauding horde.

There were dozens of them. Well, maybe a dozen. But that is a lot of pigeons. And they kept settling in one area, and then leaping into the air and flying around all crazy like.

This is probably when I should let you know that I'm a little afraid of pigeons.

But look how close they were!



They could have easily flown in and pecked me to death - that totally could have happened!

I did the wise thing and closed the window. I probably could have chased them away by throwing things at them or yelling, but I didn't want to draw attention to myself.

I've seen The Birds. I know what the horde is capapble of.

Just a couple of things...

Things have been crazy stressful at work, and I've been a bit on the ill side. And those would be the reasons that I haven't posted lately.

Since I feel like we're losing touch. (How are you? No, really. We must catch up.), I thought I'd update you on the things that have been on my mind lately.

• This is the cutest freaking thing I've ever seen. I want to have a pet penguin. Can they live in a studio flat? If not, I'll have to settle for seeing the film.
• I am finding it very hard to find the perfect pair of summer footwear. I want a flip flop that isn't plastic, doesn't have a lot of crap on the top of the foot area, and doesn't cost a fortune. Too much to ask? Apparently. If I have to go a differnt route, then I might have to go with these, or maybe these. Adorable, no?
• I am confused by vitamins. I know I should take them, because I don't always eat as well as I should, but it's so complicated. Is a multi-vitamin enough? Should I add calcium? And vitamin C? And E? What else?
• And why do British people say VIT-amin, rather than VI-tamin? What's up with that?
• Being ill sucks. Especially when you feel too guilty to take time off work, even when you know you should because it'll be the best in the long run. So, instead of recovering at home, you're totally unproductive at work. Good times.
• Back on the shoe front, how cute are these? Oooh, and these! Man, I need a massive pay rise so I can go shoe shopping.
• I cannot wait for a new series of Sweet Valley High books. I would so buy those books. The drama of a gated southern California community plus the wacky and unpredictable antics of the Wakefield twins? I'm in!
• I love broadband. I really love it. It's a delight. I've downloaded (not that I download things illegally, cause I totally don't, I don't know what you're talking about, hey look at that bird over there!) about seven hundred songs in the past few days. The internet is a magical place. And Canadian music rocks.
• I've been a teensy bit homesick lately. I don't know what's up with that. I guess it's because for the first time in my entire life, my entire family is living in the same city. I should visit. Stupid expensive flights to Canada and lack of money. What a pain in the ass.

And that's what's been on my mind lately. How's things with you.