Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Diet Coke: The Christmas Letters

Dear Diet Coke,

I love you.

Love,
Aaron

***

Dear Aaron,

So you say. Would it kill you to buy me a nice gift every once in a while? Or take me out for a nice meal?

I feel like this is really a one way relationship.

Sincerely,
Diet Coke

***


Dear Diet Coke,

I'm sorry. You're right. And that time with the Diet Dr. Pepper... it meant nothing, I swear.

Yours,
Aaron

***

Dear Aaron,

Diet DR PEPPER? You know that degree is fake, right. Doctor, my ass. Diet Mr. Pepper is more like it.

I'd better not find out you've been messing around with that Diet Sprite slut.

Tearfully,
Diet Coke

***


Dear Diet Coke,

Ew. I wouldn't touch Diet Sprite if it were the last pop on Earth. But is it my fault you ran out on Swiss Chalet and Pizza Pizza, leaving me with NO CHOICE but Diet Pepsi?

Painfully yours,
Aaron

***

Dear Aaron,

You're right. I haven't always been there for you. Legal wrangling, too painful to go into now, means that I can no longer associate with delicious Swiss Chalet or delectable Pizza Pizza.

If you can forgive me, I can forgive you. Let's start over. There's no point fighting - not at Christmas!

Love,
Diet Coke


***

Dear Diet Coke,

I love you.

Love,
Aaron

2 comments:

Sean said...

....Ahem.


Crack.


Ahem...

Janice said...

Pop. . .Fizz. . .gulp. . .glug...glug...aw!

Really aw.