Sunday, January 29, 2006

Oh my god, do you remember when you and I...

Once again, a good idea that is ruthlessly stolen from Gwen.

It's a superfun game, and here's how to play:
Post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want -good or bad- BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. You've got free reign. Start your sentence "Remember when you and I..."

I am so looking forward to reading the memories that you and I never shared. Good times, I tell you. Good times!

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Streisand + Theron + Cox + Twain = Me

Along with apparently every single person on the internet, I am fascinated by this site. They take a photo of you, and give you a list of celebrities you look like. How could I possibly resist?

This is the picture I chose to use. It's my face and a teensy portion of Bette's face.

And yes, I am drunk. And yes, I am wearing a tiara and sash. (It was taken at the Kobrinsk's going away party, and I was Miss America at a mall opening.)

I uploaded it to the site, and this is the results I got:

  • Hillary Duff - 62%: Hmmm, not too sure about that one. I suppose we have a similar face shape. Her photo on the site is taken before she went down to her current scary weight. But she is annoying, and I am not, so we will move on.
  • Katie Holmes - 58%: Now, funnily enough, I was told just a few weeks ago that I look like Katie Holmes - the first time I've ever heard that. Apparently, we have the same smile. I can actually see that one a bit.
  • Shania Tawin - 58%: I only look like Shania Twain when I'm wearing my leopard print floor length hooded coat, bra top and stretch pants outfit. But on those days (and there are many of those days, I can tell you) you can easily mistake me for her.
  • Christina Ricci - 57%: Since she currently looks like a lollipop, I think not. But in terms of face shape, maybe.
  • Cameron Diaz - 57%: Well, we've got a similar smirk going on in the photos. I guess that counts for something.
  • Courteney Cox - 48%: Hmmm, no. I don't see this at all. Um, we both have blue eyes? Maybe that's it.
  • Drew Barrymore - 46%: Sweet! I look like two thirds of Charlie's Angels! Now, in all fairness, I look more like Drew Barrymore than I do like Lucy Liu. Drew Barrymore is actually the celebrity I always say that I look like, but I am usually kidding. I don't actually think I look that much like her at all.
  • Barbra Streisand - 45%: Uh, sure. Why not? We're both female. And have heads. And hair. The similarities literally go on for ages.
  • Charlize Theron - 44%: Again, I'm pretty sure I got this one on face shape. She's very pretty though. I'll pretend that I do look like her.

Well, that was fun. In no way accurate, but fun. Now I want to try with more pictures. I wonder who I'd look like if I was smiling properly?

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Reply All

Okay, I'm going to be controversial here. I don't want to freak you out, or offend you, or cause unnecessary stress, but it's time we dealt with this. Actually, it's past time.

So, you know when you get an email? And it's to you, and lots of other people? Maybe it's a forward full of humorous and/or inspirational musings. Perhaps it's an invitation. It could even be, oh I don't know, an email letting people know about a change of address.

Anyway, there you are, reading the email. Perhaps you chuckle and/or get inspired, perhaps you think "damn straight I'll be there", perhaps you think "congrats on the move". Regardless of the motivation, you wish to respond.

Now, here's where you need to take a moment and pause.

You need to think very carefully about whether your comment of "so funny!" or "great, I'm there!" or "I'll come and visit!" is directed at the person who sent you the email or at the entire list of people the email was sent to.

There are a few factors that can help you with your decision here. Quickly go through the following list in your head:

  1. Do I know every single person on this email list?
  2. If I do know all these people, am I certain that these are all personal email addresses, and not work addresses?
  3. Is my comment both relevant to the conversation and necessary to send to everyone?
  4. Really?
  5. Seriously, really?

If all of these questions are answered with a firm and decisive yes, then you may proceed with caution to the reply all button and send your response to all the people on the email list.

If the answer to any of these questions is "no" or an "I'm not sure" or an "um, maybe?", then this is the time you want to click on the reply button. It's right there beside the reply all button. Go ahead! Make your witty and/or informative comment to the sender of your email. They'll be happy to get it, I'm sure.

Perhaps you'll initiate an engaging and diverting email conversation that will enrich both your lives. Won't that be fun?

If you can't answer these five questions with a yes, then these people don't want to hear from you. They don't know you. They're at work and will get in trouble for excess personal emails. They don't care if you're going to be at the party.

And the person who sent the email in the first place? They're probably going to be annoyed with you for inflicting this chain of email on their friends/family/co-workers.

Sure, in a perfect world we'd all bcc: emails to lots of people. But it's not a perfect world, is it?

Reply all is annoying. Don't use it unless you have to.

Monday, January 23, 2006

News! Fabulous!

Finally, finally, finally, I've moved into the new place. Delightful!

I'll post about the stress of the move soon, but right now I'm so freakin' tired.

Also - moved! Woo!

Thursday, January 12, 2006

People are freaks

I forgot to post about the weirdest thing I saw the other day.

On Tuesday, as I was on my way to work, I saw something very odd. I was on the Northern Line on the Underground, which is always hideously busy in the mornings. Something like half a million people use the Northern Line every day, and approximately three quarters of them were squashed into the car I was in.

It was busy, is what I'm trying to say.

Anyway, there's this woman sitting down, and she's got her makeup bag and a little handheld mirror out and she's putting on her makeup.

Now, that's not that unusual. I mean, I think it's weird to be putting on your eyeliner and mascara in a confined space with hundreds of strangers. But maybe that's me.

So, this woman is putting on her makeup, looks at herself critically in her mirror, reaches into her bag and pulls out a pair of tweezers. And starts plucking her eyebrows. In a crowded underground car. With people smooshed together all around her.

Now, makeup is one thing. It's not really polite, but it's not horrific.

But I strongly feel that hair removal should be kept at home.

I don't want to see someone shaving their legs in public. I don't want to see someone getting a wax in public. And I don't want to see a woman shaping her eyebrows when I'm trying to get to work.

Tweezer lady is just plain weird. Weird, I say.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Hand writing, mouse writing, same difference

I found this Handwriting analysis via Hillbilly, Please, and as I wanted to check if my handwriting said I was a serial killer, I was compelled to try.

This is my mouse-signature. (Mouseature?)

Handwriting Analysis

This actually looks a fair bit like my hand written name, although perhaps my mouse writing skills are not what they could be. And no, I will not be practicing.

Apparently, this is me:

You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a shy, idealistic person who does not find it easy to have relationships, especially intimate ones.
You are diplomatic, objective, and live in the present.
You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.

I think that's probably true. Very interesting.

You totally want to try now, don't you?

Monday, January 09, 2006

The "Incident"

It's time to confess.

Some of you already know about the "Incident", as I like to call it. It's time to let you know the story.

Imgaine, if you will. It's a Wednesday evening, between Christmas and New Years. There's this girl. Let's call her Alice. She's been out for a drink or two with a good friend. And by a drink or two, I mean a bottle of wine or two. Anyhoo, it's super late, she's a bit tipsy and when she gets back to her flat, she realizes she's forgotten her keys.

Now, this girl doesn't panic. She mmight be drunk, but she's on top of the situation. With a daring disregard for the late hour, she buzzes her neighbours and gets them to buzz her into the buidling. They do so.

She gets to her flat door, and thinks carefully. What will she do? She can't get into her flat. Because this girl lives alone, she's thought about this before. What would she do if she lost her keys? She has a backup plan.

Up half a flight of stairs, there is a window. This window is right above the roof above her bathroom, which is a mere hop down to the flat roof that is directly outisde her flat. Simple, yes? So one would think.

Now, I'd like to make it clear that this girl has had this backup plan for ages, and this has been considered while sober. Just so we're clear on that.

Anyway, she goes up the stairs and opens the window and climbs out onto the roof. But oh no! There's a slippery patch! Watch out!!

Oh, no. The girl, she has slipped. And she has fallen.

She was a bit disoriented and spacy and confused, and couldn't figure out how she'd gotten onto the roof. Her neighbours call the paramedics. They get into the flat somehow, probably through the same window/roof combo that the girl was attempting.

She's taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Her glasses are broken. She's a bit bloody.
The emergency doctor at the hospital doesn't want to stitch her up because the cut is one her face and she's so pretty that he doesn't want to sar her. She gets referred to the plastics department in the Royal Free Hospital.

She goes home, and goes to the Royal Free in the morning. She got her appendix out here, so there were good memories.

They stitch her up. She's got one hell of a black eye. And no glasses.

(You may not know this, but the girl has bad, bad, bad eyesight. BAD.)

Her friend, of the drunken night out, comes to meet her and helps her to pick up a new pair of glasses. Which is a good thing, in the end, because she needed new glasses and has been too lazy to get them.

So, her headaches are pretty much gone. And her stitches are out. She's going to have a scar. She's still a bit swollen. Her black eye is gone, pretty much.

She's going back to work tomorrow. Let the laughter begin, my friends. Let the laughter begin.

Well, at least she didn't fall off a ladder when trying to change a lightbulb, as many of you were worried would happen.

(That light went out again. A different story though. Alexcia can confirm that it wasn't as dangerous as it looked.)

So, that's the "Incident". And now let us never speak of it again.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Exciting and fabulous news!

We here at Alice's Dark Place are very pleased to announce some exiciting and fabulous news regarding our good friend Aaron, who you may remember from various converstaions I've posted, rather than writing anything new. But now is not the time to discuss my laziness.

Because Aaron has news that I've decided to share with you, the loyal readers of my blog. He's getting married! He proposed to the lovely Terra and she accepted, and so they're engaged!

How fun is that? I love a good wedding!

Congraulations, you guys!

And, just for the record, getting married is so grown up. Seriously.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Secret Shame

I have a secret. It's pretty scandalous, and I hope it won't make you think less of me.

There's this movie, see. Sure, I hated it so freaking much that I could hardly speak when I saw it in the theatre, and was so outraged at the overblown ridiculous story that it made me feel ill and I was nauseated that I'd paid actual money to see it in a theatre. Still, I can't help but watch it every single time it comes on TV.

I'm watching it right now.

And I love it.

Love. It.

It's Armageddon, and I won't be ashamed.

I love everything about it.

I love Bruce Willis as the tough go-to guy. I love Billy Bob Thorton as the tough but caring NASA guy. I love Liv Tyler as the spunky daughter/love interest who's sending her dad and her boyfriend to save the world. Hell, I even love Ben Freakin' Affleck as the jackass who's in love with Liv Tyler and repeatedly gets himself in trouble because he's a bit of an ass.

And I LOVE the team of drillers. Steve Buscemi, Owen Wilson, Will Patton, Michael Clarke Duncan. They're a delight.

I love the preparation for going into space. Hilarious!

Sure, it all falls apart when they get into space. But I'm cool with that.

I still love it.

And, I won't be ashamed.