Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Thwarted Love

Yesterday the man of my dreams failed to fall in love with me. Tragic, no? Our recently thwarted romance began when I was twelve. That’s when I fell in love with him. He was all moody and passionate and romantic and dangerous and ever so dreamy. Super dreamy, one might even say.

Sure, he lived in California and was seven years older than me and was dating a celebrity. But when I saw him for the first time, that all meant nothing. I just knew.

I was sure that Christian Slater and I were destined to be together.

He’s in several of my all time favourite trash films. Including, of course, his pivotal role of Arkansas Dave Rudabaugh in the classic Young Guns II. That, my friends, is love. (That also segues us nicely into my other secret love, but let’s not go there right now. Let’s just say I had the soundtrack and leave it at that.)

Sure, my love faded over the years. He is, of course, a criminal. Which isn’t really my thing. And he has appeared in several movies which makes me really cringe. And he named his son Jaden Zach Haddon-Slater. (Jaden? Really? Ooookay.)

But you never forget your first love.

You can imagine my shock when I arrived at work yesterday and heard Steve say “guess who I just saw eating outside at Raoul’s?” (Just to clarify, Raoul isn’t a person. It’s a restaurant around the corner from my office.) And yes. It was Christian Slater.

As you may or may not know, he’s in London right now in a production of One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. And, apparently, decided to have breakfast in the restaurant around the corner from the very place I work.

Only one word comes to mind. Destiny.

Jess and I decided to take the only logical course of action. We strolled by the restaurant, ever so casually, to take a peek. And there he was. Looking exactly like Christian Slater.

Surprisingly, he didn’t look up and after meeting my gaze, stride over to me and declare his love.

Which was clearly odd.

So, Jess and I went to the newsagents, got her weekly copy of Heat and then strolled back past him, just to give him a second chance.

Again, he seemed engrossed in his phone call and didn’t notice us.

I was hurt, obviously, since destiny had failed me. But I’ve come to terms with it. It probably wouldn’t have worked in the end.

After all, he was in The Wizard. And that is two hours of my life that I will never get back. I don’t think I could forgive that.


Anonymous said...


He was obviously so blinded by your beauty that when he did look up, he couldn't find the source. Clearly, it's the only explanation.

Anonymous said...

Sorry Alice, I didn't mean to keep Chris on the phone that long. We were talking shop when you strolled by.


Anonymous said...

You know what You need? More Cowbell.

/Not Christopher Walken. Right.