Monday, October 04, 2004

Irrational Hate #1

Okay, here’s the thing. Toilet paper is not a decorative item. It’s functional. It doesn’t need to be pretty. It doesn’t need to be pink or orange or lavender or green. White is just fine.

I do not understand the appeal of coloured toilet paper. In fact, I find it vaguely offensive. I don’t feel the need to match my toilet paper to my bathroom. And even if I did, it’s 2004 – not 1974. My bathroom is not avocado and I do not need green toilet paper to match it. Even if I did have lavender walls, I would not require the exact shade to be matched by every single item in the room. Realistically, most sinks and bathtubs and toilets are white, so a normal white toilet paper is going to be the best match anyway.

I know what you’re thinking. “Dude, relax. If it upsets you that much, then just don’t use it.”

And I would be fine with that. If the freaks with whom I share bathrooms wouldn’t keep buying it. But they do! If they realized how much it pissed me off, they’d probably stop. I have mentioned on occasion that I prefer white, but they never seem to understand that by “prefer”, I mean “really really really hate any other option”. And clarifying that might make me seem a little crazy.

I try to avoid that whenever possible. The looking crazy. I try to at least look sane.

I could try to get over my hate. However, I choose to embrace the irrational hate. It’s my thing. Besides, in the long run I think it’ll be easier to just try to pre-empt the coloured toilet paper buying. And it’s best to not let freaks buy important household items like that.

(These people have some very educational information about toilet paper. If you’re interested. And I suspect you are.)


AqueousBoy said...

Dude, relax. If it upsets you that much, then just don’t use it.

Anonymous said...

Alice, get over it. I've known you for a while and didn't even think you used toilet paper. I know what boys use it for, and that girls use more, but what for?

Anonymous said...

Girls use toilet paper because they cry a lot, and Alice is upset about the coloured stuff because, obviously, it clashes with her mascara and eyeliner. Besides I heard that stuff was supposed to make your stomach bleed or something.

/yes, I am Anonimity defined.