Sunday, November 21, 2004

Self Realization 101

I’ve realized something about myself. It came as a bit of a shock, but I think I’ve come to terms with it.

I may, in fact, be a little impatient. And I can, in fact, lean slightly towards the paranoid at times.

I know, I know. It came as a shock to me too.

Of course, my paranoid impatience doesn’t apply to everything. I have no problem waiting in line, or being on hold. I’m easily able to entertain myself for ages. I don’t have a real problem with horribly slow service in restaurants and I don’t really mind waiting for the bus.

But if I had to wait for a response to anything, I go a little insane. It can be anything – a returned call, a response to an email, or a reply to a text message. If any of these is even slightly delayed, I don’t just accept that things are delayed. My mind goes a bit crazy. I immediately begin thinking of all the reasons for the lack of response.

- I have done something horrible to offend the person I’m expecting to hear from without realizing it.
- She hates me.
- I broke some kind of unwritten rule by replying to his email too late, and now I’m being punished.
- I broke some kind of unwritten rule by replying to her text too soon, and now I look like a freak.
- He hates me.
- I accidentally sent the text to the wrong phone number.
- My email got sent to her junk mail folder because I’m not important to have inbox privileges.
- She hates me.

It’s at this point that I send a “safety” text to someone else. Y’know, to make sure that my phone is actually working.

Of course, invariably there is some kind of delay in their response. My mind, which you have to remember is already working in overdrive, steps up a notch and begins to reach truly frightening speeds. I go through all the reasons why I haven’t received any responses at all.

- My phone is broken.
- The internet is not working.
- I have inadvertently done something to offend all my friends.
- Everyone hates me.
- My phone isn’t broken, but my text messages aren’t getting through.
- I have entered some kind of parallel universe and although I think I’m still here, I no longer exist.
- I am invisible.
- Should I use my invisibility for good or evil?
- Wait, if I’m invisible I should still be able to operate a mobile phone.
- Okay, I’m not invisible.
- But it is likely that everyone hates me.
- What did I do?

At the point that my mind is truly spiralling out of control, my phone makes the friendly little noise that it makes when I have a text message. Or my computer makes the happy little noise that it makes when I have an email.

It seems that I have two text messages. Or two emails. Huh. Weird.

Aaaaaaaand relax.

Until next time.

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