Grossatating

Something has come to my attention lately, and it’s a bit disturbing. Actually, it’s more than disturbing. It’s gross. And it is literally happening all around all of us all the time.

Imagine this scenario, if you will. You’re at a party, or a gathering of some type. You pick up a tasty snack from the food table. It may be a chicken skewer or a tortilla chip or a carrot stick. You dip your skewer or chip or stick into the dip that has been kindly been placed beside the delicious snack. You take a bite. And then what do you do?

Do you finish the skewer or chip or stick? Or do you reach for the dip again?

If you just said “reach for the dip”, then you are tragically lacking in social niceties and I don’t think I can be your friend.

Cause see, here’s the thing. It’s gross. Would you stick your entire hand into the bowl and then pass it on to someone else? Would you lick the bowl? Would you drop a used Kleenex into the dip? Would you spit into the dip?

Well, if you double dip, then you may as well do all of those things. And, I’m sorry, but you are gross.

Double dipping is just plain wrong. It squicks me out just even thinking about it.

I just do not want to share germs with total strangers. I want to dip my skewer or chip or stick without worrying that I’m going to catch your cold, or your rabies, or your glandular fever/mononucleosis, or your yellow fever, or your malaria, or your bronchitis, or your herpes simplex, or your legionnaires disease, or whatever it is you may be passing to innocent people trying to make their skewer or chip or stick more delicious.

And, I know what you’re going to say. Of course there are exceptions. It’s obviously fine to double dip on your own, and it’s fine to double dip amongst friends. If it’s someone who you would share spit with on a regular basis, then the regular dip rules don’t apply. If you're with them then feel free to double or even triple dip that skewer or chip or stick.

But public dip rules are different. You do not double dip. If you simply must have more dip on that skewer or chip or stick then turn it over and use the non germ side.

Because, seriously. Ew.

People, you’re grossing me out. I don’t want to have to go into this again.