Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Fashion Avenger

Dear Woman Who Was Sitting Across From Me On The Victoria Line Last Night,

I kind of don't know where to start here.

I think that you're trying to be kooky. That your carefully cultivated persona is that of "kooky girl". But not just any kooky girl. Kooky girl who likes Tigger.

Now, I understand this. Who doesn't like Tigger? I'm more of an Eeyore girl, myself, but to each his own. But ... how to put this?

It's one thing to be five years old and insist that Tigger is on every item of your clothing. It's charming in a five year old. My cousin used to insist that ketchup was on every single thing she ate. It was cute. If she was still doing that now, seventeen years later? Not charming.

What's cute in a five year old is rarely cute in an adult.

And you, dear lady on the Victoria Line, you are an adult. You are too old to be wearing, in a single outfit, the following: Tigger socks, a Tigger t-shirt and a denim handbag with a pink sparkly drawing of Tigger on it. It's not kooky. It's weird.

The socks on their own with a pair of jeans and a normal shirt? Sure, why not. Wacky socks are kind of 1995, but they're essentially inoffensive.

The t-shirt with jeans and unnoticeable socks and a normal bag? Less acceptable, but I'd give it a pass. For all I know, it could be laundry day and this was the last clean shirt you had. I probably wouldn't even notice.

The bag on its own? Could easily be ironic and would therefore perfectly acceptable.

The whole deal together? Oh sweetie, no.

You don't look kooky. You look crazy. You look like a grown woman who is obsessed with a children's cartoon character. You look like you might easily have twenty eight ginger cats at home, and you might call them your babies and they might all be named Tigger.

Do you want to be that lady?

Remember - kooky in moderation is a good thing. And, hey. It could have been worse. You could have been wearing Tigger earrings and a Tigger jacket as well.

Good luck. If you need it, I'm sure there's some kind of 12 step Tigger addiction program you can join.

All the best,


No comments: