Oh my god, do you remember when you and I...

Once again, a good idea that is ruthlessly stolen from Gwen.

It's a superfun game, and here's how to play:

Post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want -good or bad- BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. You've got free reign. Start your sentence "Remember when you and I..."

I am so looking forward to reading the memories that you and I never shared. Good times, I tell you. Good times!

Streisand + Theron + Cox + Twain = Me

Along with apparently every single person on the internet, I am fascinated by this site. They take a photo of you, and give you a list of celebrities you look like. How could I possibly resist?

This is the picture I chose to use. It's my face and a teensy portion of Bette's face.

And yes, I am drunk. And yes, I am wearing a tiara and sash. (It was taken at the Kobrinsk's going away party, and I was Miss America at a mall opening.)

I uploaded it to the site, and this is the results I got:

• Hillary Duff - 62%: Hmmm, not too sure about that one. I suppose we have a similar face shape. Her photo on the site is taken before she went down to her current scary weight. But she is annoying, and I am not, so we will move on.
• Katie Holmes - 58%: Now, funnily enough, I was told just a few weeks ago that I look like Katie Holmes - the first time I've ever heard that. Apparently, we have the same smile. I can actually see that one a bit.
• Shania Tawin - 58%: I only look like Shania Twain when I'm wearing my leopard print floor length hooded coat, bra top and stretch pants outfit. But on those days (and there are many of those days, I can tell you) you can easily mistake me for her.
• Christina Ricci - 57%: Since she currently looks like a lollipop, I think not. But in terms of face shape, maybe.
• Cameron Diaz - 57%: Well, we've got a similar smirk going on in the photos. I guess that counts for something.
• Courteney Cox - 48%: Hmmm, no. I don't see this at all. Um, we both have blue eyes? Maybe that's it.
• Drew Barrymore - 46%: Sweet! I look like two thirds of Charlie's Angels! Now, in all fairness, I look more like Drew Barrymore than I do like Lucy Liu. Drew Barrymore is actually the celebrity I always say that I look like, but I am usually kidding. I don't actually think I look that much like her at all.
• Barbra Streisand - 45%: Uh, sure. Why not? We're both female. And have heads. And hair. The similarities literally go on for ages.
• Charlize Theron - 44%: Again, I'm pretty sure I got this one on face shape. She's very pretty though. I'll pretend that I do look like her.

Well, that was fun. In no way accurate, but fun. Now I want to try with more pictures. I wonder who I'd look like if I was smiling properly?

Reply All

Okay, I'm going to be controversial here. I don't want to freak you out, or offend you, or cause unnecessary stress, but it's time we dealt with this. Actually, it's past time.

So, you know when you get an email? And it's to you, and lots of other people? Maybe it's a forward full of humorous and/or inspirational musings. Perhaps it's an invitation. It could even be, oh I don't know, an email letting people know about a change of address.

Anyway, there you are, reading the email. Perhaps you chuckle and/or get inspired, perhaps you think "damn straight I'll be there", perhaps you think "congrats on the move". Regardless of the motivation, you wish to respond.

Now, here's where you need to take a moment and pause.

You need to think very carefully about whether your comment of "so funny!" or "great, I'm there!" or "I'll come and visit!" is directed at the person who sent you the email or at the entire list of people the email was sent to.

There are a few factors that can help you with your decision here. Quickly go through the following list in your head:

1. Do I know every single person on this email list?
2. If I do know all these people, am I certain that these are all personal email addresses, and not work addresses?
3. Is my comment both relevant to the conversation and necessary to send to everyone?
4. Really?
5. Seriously, really?

If all of these questions are answered with a firm and decisive yes, then you may proceed with caution to the reply all button and send your response to all the people on the email list.

If the answer to any of these questions is "no" or an "I'm not sure" or an "um, maybe?", then this is the time you want to click on the reply button. It's right there beside the reply all button. Go ahead! Make your witty and/or informative comment to the sender of your email. They'll be happy to get it, I'm sure.

Perhaps you'll initiate an engaging and diverting email conversation that will enrich both your lives. Won't that be fun?

If you can't answer these five questions with a yes, then these people don't want to hear from you. They don't know you. They're at work and will get in trouble for excess personal emails. They don't care if you're going to be at the party.

And the person who sent the email in the first place? They're probably going to be annoyed with you for inflicting this chain of email on their friends/family/co-workers.

Sure, in a perfect world we'd all bcc: emails to lots of people. But it's not a perfect world, is it?

Reply all is annoying. Don't use it unless you have to.

News! Fabulous!

Finally, finally, finally, I've moved into the new place. Delightful!

I'll post about the stress of the move soon, but right now I'm so freakin' tired.

Also - moved! Woo!

People are freaks

I forgot to post about the weirdest thing I saw the other day.

On Tuesday, as I was on my way to work, I saw something very odd. I was on the Northern Line on the Underground, which is always hideously busy in the mornings. Something like half a million people use the Northern Line every day, and approximately three quarters of them were squashed into the car I was in.

It was busy, is what I'm trying to say.

Anyway, there's this woman sitting down, and she's got her makeup bag and a little handheld mirror out and she's putting on her makeup.

Now, that's not that unusual. I mean, I think it's weird to be putting on your eyeliner and mascara in a confined space with hundreds of strangers. But maybe that's me.

So, this woman is putting on her makeup, looks at herself critically in her mirror, reaches into her bag and pulls out a pair of tweezers. And starts plucking her eyebrows. In a crowded underground car. With people smooshed together all around her.

Now, makeup is one thing. It's not really polite, but it's not horrific.

But I strongly feel that hair removal should be kept at home.

I don't want to see someone shaving their legs in public. I don't want to see someone getting a wax in public. And I don't want to see a woman shaping her eyebrows when I'm trying to get to work.

Tweezer lady is just plain weird. Weird, I say.

Hand writing, mouse writing, same difference

I found this Handwriting analysis via Hillbilly, Please, and as I wanted to check if my handwriting said I was a serial killer, I was compelled to try.

This is my mouse-signature. (Mouseature?)

This actually looks a fair bit like my hand written name, although perhaps my mouse writing skills are not what they could be. And no, I will not be practicing.

Apparently, this is me:

You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a shy, idealistic person who does not find it easy to have relationships, especially intimate ones.
You are diplomatic, objective, and live in the present.
You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.

I think that's probably true. Very interesting.

You totally want to try now, don't you?

The "Incident"

It's time to confess.

Some of you already know about the "Incident", as I like to call it. It's time to let you know the story.

Imgaine, if you will. It's a Wednesday evening, between Christmas and New Years. There's this girl. Let's call her Alice. She's been out for a drink or two with a good friend. And by a drink or two, I mean a bottle of wine or two. Anyhoo, it's super late, she's a bit tipsy and when she gets back to her flat, she realizes she's forgotten her keys.

Now, this girl doesn't panic. She mmight be drunk, but she's on top of the situation. With a daring disregard for the late hour, she buzzes her neighbours and gets them to buzz her into the buidling. They do so.

She gets to her flat door, and thinks carefully. What will she do? She can't get into her flat. Because this girl lives alone, she's thought about this before. What would she do if she lost her keys? She has a backup plan.

Up half a flight of stairs, there is a window. This window is right above the roof above her bathroom, which is a mere hop down to the flat roof that is directly outisde her flat. Simple, yes? So one would think.

Now, I'd like to make it clear that this girl has had this backup plan for ages, and this has been considered while sober. Just so we're clear on that.

Anyway, she goes up the stairs and opens the window and climbs out onto the roof. But oh no! There's a slippery patch! Watch out!!

Oh, no. The girl, she has slipped. And she has fallen.

She was a bit disoriented and spacy and confused, and couldn't figure out how she'd gotten onto the roof. Her neighbours call the paramedics. They get into the flat somehow, probably through the same window/roof combo that the girl was attempting.

She's taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Her glasses are broken. She's a bit bloody.
The emergency doctor at the hospital doesn't want to stitch her up because the cut is one her face and she's so pretty that he doesn't want to sar her. She gets referred to the plastics department in the Royal Free Hospital.

She goes home, and goes to the Royal Free in the morning. She got her appendix out here, so there were good memories.

They stitch her up. She's got one hell of a black eye. And no glasses.

(You may not know this, but the girl has bad, bad, bad eyesight. BAD.)

Her friend, of the drunken night out, comes to meet her and helps her to pick up a new pair of glasses. Which is a good thing, in the end, because she needed new glasses and has been too lazy to get them.

So, her headaches are pretty much gone. And her stitches are out. She's going to have a scar. She's still a bit swollen. Her black eye is gone, pretty much.

She's going back to work tomorrow. Let the laughter begin, my friends. Let the laughter begin.

Well, at least she didn't fall off a ladder when trying to change a lightbulb, as many of you were worried would happen.

(That light went out again. A different story though. Alexcia can confirm that it wasn't as dangerous as it looked.)

So, that's the "Incident". And now let us never speak of it again.

Exciting and fabulous news!

We here at Alice's Dark Place are very pleased to announce some exiciting and fabulous news regarding our good friend Aaron, who you may remember from various converstaions I've posted, rather than writing anything new. But now is not the time to discuss my laziness.

Because Aaron has news that I've decided to share with you, the loyal readers of my blog. He's getting married! He proposed to the lovely Terra and she accepted, and so they're engaged!

How fun is that? I love a good wedding!

Congraulations, you guys!

And, just for the record, getting married is so grown up. Seriously.

Secret Shame

I have a secret. It's pretty scandalous, and I hope it won't make you think less of me.

There's this movie, see. Sure, I hated it so freaking much that I could hardly speak when I saw it in the theatre, and was so outraged at the overblown ridiculous story that it made me feel ill and I was nauseated that I'd paid actual money to see it in a theatre. Still, I can't help but watch it every single time it comes on TV.

I'm watching it right now.

And I love it.

Love. It.

It's Armageddon, and I won't be ashamed.

I love everything about it.

I love Bruce Willis as the tough go-to guy. I love Billy Bob Thorton as the tough but caring NASA guy. I love Liv Tyler as the spunky daughter/love interest who's sending her dad and her boyfriend to save the world. Hell, I even love Ben Freakin' Affleck as the jackass who's in love with Liv Tyler and repeatedly gets himself in trouble because he's a bit of an ass.

And I LOVE the team of drillers. Steve Buscemi, Owen Wilson, Will Patton, Michael Clarke Duncan. They're a delight.

I love the preparation for going into space. Hilarious!

Sure, it all falls apart when they get into space. But I'm cool with that.

I still love it.

And, I won't be ashamed.

Merry Christmas Movie Marathon!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

I've just finished my most delightful Christmas movie marathon, although sadly not in my new flat, because I'm not going to be in there till January, which is a whole other tragic and horrible story that we won't even get into now, because this is a time for Christmas happiness, not flat related misery.

In November, I asked for suggestions for favourite Christmas movies. I scoured eBay and my DVD collection for the finest Christmas movies my meagre amount of money could find, and came up with what I think is a pretty damn fine list.

I was planning on watching all of these fabulouso films on Christmas day, but that plan went down the drain when I did a bit of math and realized that I had about 28 hours worth of Christmassy goodness. So, two days it is!

And here it is - the finest list of Christmas movies of all time!

Christmas Eve

We started off with One Magic Christmas, which is a movie we had when I was a kid and I loved, loved, loved. And I'm pleased to say that I love it still. Mary Steenburgen stars as a woman who doesn't like Christmas, and her adorable daughter conspires with an angel, played by Harry Dean Stanton in an interesting casting choice, to give her the Christmas spirit. It has more kidnapping and murder than you'd expect in a movie about Christmas. Delightful!

Next was the 1951 version of Scrooge, the black and white version, as recommended by Aaron. I'd never seen this before, and I liked it, although the early 50's overacting got a bit much at times. It's a classic though, and I'm happy to now own it.

The second A Christmas Carol movie of the marathon was Scrooged, which I love. Bill Murray at his most Bill Murrayist. Carol Kane as the ghost of Christmas present who keeps kicking his ass. Alfre Woodard, who always rocks. Bobcat Goldwaith as a character who didn't annoy the crap out of me. Robert Goulet as himself. Delightful!! I did fast forward through some of the boring bits, but this movie is a holiday classic.

Christmas with SCTV was something I'd never come across before, but I saw it on eBay and knew it must be mine. It's two one hour specials - the 1981 and 1982 Christmas specials as they aired on TV. It's full of the classic SCTV characters, and I did like it, but it was a bit long. Next!

Another Christmas classic that was recommended but I'd not seen was The Ref. Normally I don't like the Spacey, but I did here. And I loved the Christmas wreath/candle head things that they wear. I want to get me one of those. It's chock full of swearing and yelling which is a nice break from the sap of Christmas.

I don't save it for Christmas, because I like to watch it all year, but Elf is a delightful movie that I love, love, love. Seen it a million times, and still love, love, love it. This was Sean's recommendation and I have to agree. "You sit on a throne of lies" is a line that makes me aught to even think about. Ha!

The final movie of Christmas Eve was A Christmas Story, which is the Christmassy of most Christmas classics. I want a Red Rider BB Gun for Christmas. And I will not shoot my eye out! Little Randy with his over stuffed snow suit and pig noises is so adorably cute, I could die. Adorable!

Christmas Day

Merry Christmas! We begin with my favourite Christmas cartoon, How The Grinch Stole Christmas, and I would like to clarify that I do not acknowledge the existence of that crappy Jim Carrey monstrosity. I love this cartoon. That's all I have to say about this. Love.

Next up was Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer, the first in my unintentional Rankin/Bass mini-marathon. This is a Christmas classic, and I love it, but man, is it sexist! "They knew they should fight the abominable snowman, but felt it was best to get the women folk home". Shocking! You'd think this was made in 1864, not 1964.

In 1987, my parents taped A Claymation Christmas Celebration from TV, and it was one of my favourites. I found it again on eBay and I was super excited! And, it did not disappoint! Herb and Rex, the dinosaurs hosting our claymation fun, are hilarious, the songs are great, the California Raisins are so freakin' cool. How can you go wrong?

Next in the unintentional Rankin/Bass mini-marathon, was Frosty the Snowman. Again, a classic. And again, dated! How does Frosty know what a thermometer is, but not know what a stoplight is? Huh? Tell me that! And Karen is a troublemaker, what with the "I'm going to the North Pole too". And I'm going to be honest with you here - they did steal the magician's hat! There, I said it.

The Little Drummer Boy was the next in the unintentional Rankin/Bass mini-marathon. I haven't seen this since I was a kid, and I totally thought it was the story of the Little Drummer Boy turning up at the stable. And I was right, because apparently I got Book II, not the original. Which is the story of The Drummer Boy and one of the wise men saving some silver bells. Not as fabulous. A bit of a Christmas disappointment, I have to say.

Tim recommended one of his Christmas favourites, The Year Without a Santa Claus, the final film in the unintentional Rankin/Bass mini-marathon. I'd never seen this one, but it's not too shabby. Basically, Santa gets whiny, decides no one likes him and decides to cancel Christmas. And who has to save the day? Mrs. Claus, that's who. Still a bit sexist, though. I don't know if those Rankin/Bass guys like the ladies too much.

In the world of poorly animated Christmas cartoon specials, I may like A Garfield Christmas best. John, Odie and Garfield go to the farm for Christmas with Mom, Dad, Doc Boy and Grandma. And who knew that I knew the words to "Let's Have A Good Old Fashioned Christmas Down On The Farm"? Cause, you know, a little overeatin' never did you any harm.

The pinnacle of Christmas cartoons is A Charlie Brown Christmas, which is a classic of classic proportions. Charlie Brown finding the meaning of Christmas? Who wouldn't love that? I love the songs and the kid voices and Linus revealing the true meaning of Christmas. And Snoopy with the decorations. Aw!

The final A Christmas Carol movie in the marathon is Abby's recommendation, A Muppet Christmas Carol. And it is fan-freaking-tastic. Michael Caine is fabulous, Kermit is a moving Bob Cratchitt, Gonzo is delightful as narrator Charles Dickens and Rizzo the Rat is fabulous as himself. The songs are great and I love, love, love it. Man, I love, love, love a lot of Christmas movies, don't I?

Just in time for Christmas dinner is Christmas classic Miracle on 34th Street - the black & white original, not the remake. Aw, this movie is so good. Maureen O'Hara is awesome, and Natalie Wood is so freakin' cute I could eat her up with a spoon. Adorable! And the ending is so great. It's everything a Christmas movie should be.

The best of all Christmas movies, I say, is It's A Wonderful Life. So. Amazingly. Good. I've seen it almost every year, and it's still fabulous. Fab. U. Lous. I get all teary at the end every time. Aw, so Christmassy fantastic!

And last, but not least, we have Janice's recommendation White Christmas. I already had this Christmas goodie, and it's fantastic. I love Bing Crosby and with the singing and the dancing and the fabulous, it's a Christmas delight. The only song I don't like is Choreography, but I can always fast forward. Delightful!

And there ends the Christmas marathon. I need a rest now.

There were a few suggestions I didn't get to - Mike's suggestion of National Lampoon's Chritmas Vacation because I hate this movie. Hate! And I couldn't find Sarah's suggestion of The Box of Delights. And Sean suggested I drink eggnog, which I hate like poison.

Merry Christmas!

Diet Coke: The Christmas Letters

Dear Diet Coke,

I love you.

Love,
Aaron

***

Dear Aaron,

So you say. Would it kill you to buy me a nice gift every once in a while? Or take me out for a nice meal?

I feel like this is really a one way relationship.

Sincerely,
Diet Coke

***

Dear Diet Coke,

I'm sorry. You're right. And that time with the Diet Dr. Pepper... it meant nothing, I swear.

Yours,
Aaron

***

Dear Aaron,

Diet DR PEPPER? You know that degree is fake, right. Doctor, my ass. Diet Mr. Pepper is more like it.

I'd better not find out you've been messing around with that Diet Sprite slut.

Tearfully,
Diet Coke

***

Dear Diet Coke,

Ew. I wouldn't touch Diet Sprite if it were the last pop on Earth. But is it my fault you ran out on Swiss Chalet and Pizza Pizza, leaving me with NO CHOICE but Diet Pepsi?

Painfully yours,
Aaron

***

Dear Aaron,

You're right. I haven't always been there for you. Legal wrangling, too painful to go into now, means that I can no longer associate with delicious Swiss Chalet or delectable Pizza Pizza.

If you can forgive me, I can forgive you. Let's start over. There's no point fighting - not at Christmas!

Love,
Diet Coke

***

Dear Diet Coke,

I love you.

Love,
Aaron

Who doesn't want a pet tiger?

A new pet will keep me company while I'm sick.

Meet Mr. Grrrrrr.

Sick on a School Day

I'm using up my holiday before the end of the year, so I took off Friday and today. Which would all be very delightful if I hadn't spent the last two days in bed feeling wretched.

How unfair is it to be sick on a day off?

I've had a sore throat for a few days, but really thought I wasn't going to get properly sick. I was out dancing on Saturday night until about 4:30 am, and when I woke up on Sunday at 9:30 I thought I was feeling miserable due to the dreaded hangover/not-enough-sleep combination.

But no.

I'm headachy and exhausted and stuffed up and achy and coughing and feeling very blah.

So, I've spent the last two days in bed. Sleeping tons and watching bad TV and reading the Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe books (I'm currently on The Silver Chair). Feeling miserable and taking lots of medication. Ahhhh, Lemsip. How I love you.

But you know what the most unfair bit is? Not that I didn't get my Christmas shopping done today. Not that I missed out on lunch with Leanne. Not that I'm actually watching the horrible Space Cadets. Not that I didn't get a chance to buy some new clothes, which I'd planned to do today. Not that I'm almost out of Kleenex.

It's that I'm feeling a bit better. Which probably means I'm going to be okay to go to work tomorrow.

Sick on a day off. What are the odds? One in a million.

Adventures In Lighting

So, remember how the light in my flat burned out?

Yeah, that was 29 days ago.

It took me that long to fix it. I know.

It's because it's impossible to reach the light from any of the stepladder/accessable furniture combinations that I could come across. Other than dragging my chest of drawers into the middle of the room, which I wasn't keen on doing as it's covered in loads of crap, and I couldn't be bothered to move it.

What's a girl to do?

Well, thankfully a girl got a new fabulous dressing table delivered from eBay, so she could get rid of her old desk, but thankfully she hadn't gotten rid of the desk top and, as if by magic...

It's the world's least safe climbing device! Especially when you're standing on the top rung, and you realize that you have to reach behind you to get the lightbulb, and it seems a bit wobbly for a minute.

But, just when you think all is lost...

Ta da!

Isn't it pretty? I'm liking this whole lighted flat thing. I think it might catch on.

You like poetry, right?

You people are so lucky to have me, you really, really are.

I am here to solve your Christmas gift dilemmas.

I know what you're thinking, "I have numerous poetry lovers to buy for, and yet I have little to no knowledge about poetry". Or, alternatively, you may be thinking, "I have to buy something for a person that needs a bit more culture in their life. Is there a reasonably priced, yet still incredibly awesome book of poetry that can fit the bill?". Or, you might even be thinking, "I'm looking for a poetry book to add to my Christmas wish list. But what book could that be?".

You are all so lucky. Because my good friend Heather Taylor has written just the book of poetry that can fix all of these problems!

It's called "Horizon and Back" and it's available both through the publisher, and on Amazon.

It's a mere £7! What an incredible bargain!! It's 80 pages of poetry goodness, which works out to a teensy tiny 8.75p per page!

For you foreign folks, we're looking an insignificant $12 of your US dollars, and $14 of your Canadian dollars! It's like she's just giving these 80 fantastic pages of poetry away!

So, buy away people! This is one fantastic book of poetry. You, your poetry loving friends, your friends that deserve a bit of culture, and all the other people on your Christmas list will love it, I'm sure.

Did I mention that you should buy this book? Because I think you should. And you know I'm always right.

It's Getting Cold...

It's the middle of November, and I'm feeling Christmassy.

Now, I know that the people with December birthdays (hi Sarah K, Brad & Tim!) are probably hissing and thinking horrible things in the "it's not Christmas until after my birthday, dammit!", but I just can't help it. In all fairness, there have been Christmas decorations up here since mid October, so I think I'm showing admirable restraint.

Anyway, I'm going to be in my new flat for Christmas (fingers crossed), and it'll be my first Christmas in London in my own place that's big enough to have a tree. Yay!

So as I'm feeling Christmassy, I'm getting my Christmas viewing and listening material together. It's always best to be prepared. I've been downloading (not illegally, of course. Because that would be wrong.) lots and lots of music with a Christmas theme, which is very delightful. And I've been trawling through eBay to find Christmas DVD's and videos.

I've found lots of childhood favourites, but I'm sure I'm still missing a few classics. So, suggestions in the comments please - what are your favourite Christmas movies, TV specials and songs?

Also, apologies to those of you who do not celebrate Christmas, and feel free to suggest Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or Ramadan holiday treats.

Underappreciated Film Genres Revealed

So, you know my friend Heather right?

Well, she works from home, which is awesome for her but something I could never do because I would do things like say "Oh, I think I'll just watch Office Space before I finish that spreadsheet" and then I wouldn't get anything done because I have virtually no self discipline. Anyway, I chat with her on Messenger during the day from time to time, and she happened to mention that she was watching the classic 80's film Troop Beverley Hills, the delightful film starring national treasure Shelley Long.

That got us on to a conversation about movies that we loved that are crap. Unsurprisingly, I have many of these.

I was inspired to look up two TV movies I'd recorded as a kid and watched millions of times. To my surprise and delight, both were available on DVD. I wasn't going to pay the crazy Amazon prices of upwards of £10. What am I, made of money? Fortunately, I have had much experience in tracking down the cheap and not very good movie so I headed right over to eBay.

And did I find them? Oh, did I ever!

And that's how the the two greatest TV movies of the late 80's and early 90's came to join my film collection.

Now those of you who didn't grow up in North America perhaps aren't familiar with the phenomenon of the network extravaganza made-for-TV movie. I don't think they exist anymore, but there were certainly tons of them when I was a kid. Basically, a network would pull stars from all its sitcoms and put them in a fantastic film. How could this possibly go wrong?

The first is 1990's Camp Cucamonga.

It's the touching tale of Marvin Schector (John Ratzenberger - Cheers) and his summer camp, Camp Cucamonga.

Marvin, or Colonel Marv as he's known to the campers, has just given up life as an accountant to fulfill his dream of running a camp. Supported by wife Millie (Dorothy Lyman - Mama's Family) and daughter Ava (a pre-Friends Jennifer Aniston - Ferris Bueller), he has to deal with an amusing mix-up between the handyman (Sherman Hemsley - Amen) and the camp inspector (G. Gordon Liddy - no TV shows, but you may remember him from the Watergate scandal. Seriously. No, seriously.). The mix-up results in the camp losing its accreditation. Oh no! How can the camp survive?

Why, it's resourceful campers to the rescue! Rebellious Lindsey (Danica McKellar - The Wonder Years) is finding it tough to fit in at camp. She's made friends with fellow outcast Max (Josh Saviano - also The Wonder Years), but isn't fitting in with fellow campers Amber (Candace Cameron - Full House), Dennis (Jaleel White - Family Matters) and Frankie (Chad Allen - My Two Dads). Will her suggestion of a rap video to send to the head of the camping association save the camp, win the friendship of the other campers (and Frankie's heart) and aid the blossoming relationship between Ava and fellow counsellor Roger (Brian Robbins - Head of the Class)?

Well, I don't want to spoil it for you, so I won't tell you. But I will tell you that the Camp Cucamonga rap is the single best thing ever. (Camp Cucamonga, oh yeah, oh yeah).

The second film is my favourite. I recorded it from TV in 1988, and probably watched it about seven thousand times before the tape was lost.

It's classic film Dance 'Til Dawn. I seriously cannot tell you how much I love this movie. Love, love, love.

It's the moving story of the graduates of the '88 class of Hoover High. It focuses on several different groups of teenagers and their parents, and I don't know how you can fail to be delighted.

Class popular girl Shelley Sheridan (Alyssa Milano - Who's The Boss) hasn't been asked to the prom by her boyfriend of four years Kevin McCrea (Brian Bloom - As The World Turns) because he doesn't think she'll put out. Encouraged by his friends, Kevin asks out school weirdo Angela Strull (Tracey Gold - Growing Pains) who he thinks is a slut. Angela forgoes her longstanding plans with best friend Margaret (Tempestt Bledsoe - The Cosby Show) and agrees to go with Kevin.

While avoiding the prom, while still pretending to her parents that she's going with Kevin, Shelley runs into class geek Dan Lefcourt (Chris Young - Max Headroom). Dan is hiding out from his father, Jack Lefcourt (Alan Thicke - also Growing Pains), who thinks that he's actually cool.

Angela surprises her friends and Kevin by turning into a hot chick when she puts on her mom's old black sequined prom dress. Her dad (Kelsey Grammer - Cheers) is scandalised when he meets Kevin, whom he sold condoms to earlier. Certain that Kevin is up to no good, he and Angela's mom (Edie McClurg - The Hogan Family) follow them for the night and get up to all kinds of wacky hijinks.

Class snob Patrice Johnson (Christina Applegate - Married with Children), along with her lazy boyfriend Roger (a pre-friends Matthew Perry - Second Chance), is determined to be prom queen and have a fabulous apres prom party. Her parents, prom chaperones Nancy (Mary Frann - Newhart) and Larry (Cliff De Young - the only cast member without a TV show), are going through a rough patch and are planning to divorce.

Will Margaret find out that Kevin is using Angela for sex? Will Shelley and Dan realize that popular kids and geeks can both be lonely? Will Angela be named prom queen? Will Kevin realize that he likes Angela for herself, not just her imaginary sluttiness? Will Patrice and Roger be stranded and unable to attend the apres prom party? Will Nancy and Larry remember why they fell in love in the first place? Will Angela reject Kevin and achieve a new self confidence? Will Shelley and Dan fall in love? Will Roger dump Patrice and announce that he wants to be a fireman?

If you answered no to any of those questions, then you have clearly never watched TV or seen a movie before, and I obviously have nothing in common with you.

I can't even tell you how happy it makes me to have these two movies in my collection.

Now, I just have to track down this one that Aaron told me about - 1988's Crash Course. I haven't seen it, but I know I'll love it.

Forwards That Actually Made Me Laugh, pt 2

Jess at work sent me this today. I actually laughed out loud. Good stuff, I say.

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. dont use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.

Its Called Therapy.

Despite the haphazard capitalization, and the cheesy #20, I heartily approve of all of these things, in accordance with the prophecy.

Happy Belated Birthday to Me!

Random things regarding my birthday

Apparently this is me:

Your Birthdate: November 5

You have many talents, and you are great at sharing those talents with others. Most people would be jealous of your clever intellect, but you're just too likeable to elicit jealousy. Progressive and original, you're usually thinking up cutting edge ideas. Quick witted and fast thinking, you have difficulty finding new challenges. Your strength: Your superhuman brainpower Your weakness: Your susceptibility to boredom Your power color: Tangerine Your power symbol: Ace Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

***

Bette wrote a lovely little something about yours truly on her blog. Isn't she a delight?

***

Mike sent me a virtual birthday cake.

Pretty, no? And it has 28 candles! Well played, Mike. Well played.

***

Apparently, this is also me:

Section 1: How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others

Ferociously proud and somewhat vain, you like to be impressive and to be seen as Somebody Special. You are not timid, meek, or self-effacing, and are rarely content being in the background or in the subordinate position. You are a natural leader, and do not take orders from others very well. You must have something of your own, something creative - be it a business, a project, a home or whatever - that you can develop and manage according to your own will and vision. Whatever you do, you do it in a unique, dramatic, individual way. You like to put your own personal stamp on it.

Section 2: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation

Quiet, deep, emotionally complex and intensely private, you are not a person who is easy to get to know and understand. You are extremely sensitive but disinclined to show it, and you allow only a special few into your inner world. Like a wary animal, you are cautious and mistrustful of those you do not know until you "sniff them out".
You are very, very instinctive and intuitive. You usually have a strong, immediate gut reaction to people, even though you may be unable to clearly articulate why you feel as you do. Your feelings and perceptions go deeper than words.

***

I had a lovely birthday, with lots of white wine. (No, seriously. So much wine.) I got great presents, and had a great time with friends.

27 worked out pretty well for me. I've got a pretty good feeling about 28.

Did I mention I'm still at work?

It's 6:58pm. I'm still at work. I'm waiting for a VHS of a half hour programme, so that I can transcribe the voice over for a recording session we have at 9 tomorrow morning.

It will probably take an hour. If I'm lucky.

Oh yeah, my job's all about the glamour.

Also, my birthday is in two days.

But that doesn't help with the whole still-at-work-when-I-could-be-drunk-with-Buffy thing.

It's now 7:02. Still waiting.