Too busy for a real post? That means it's meme o'clock!

I'm going to the States (and Toronto) on Thursday to film again, and I'm too stressed to write a real post. But I didn't want to neglect y'all. So it's meme time!

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says.

' "Have you tried calling him?" I asked Connie. ' (Boring! It's Ten Big Ones by Janet Evanovich.)

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can...what do you touch first?

My awesome giant stamp that I use for invoices. It's so great. It makes this wicked "ca-CHUNK" sound when you use it.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

My morning episode of Quincy. Sam, who works with Quincy, was trying to prove that someone wasn't responsible for killing themselves because they were given radioactive LSD (seriously!) by the military in an interrogation. Sam's my favourite character. He wears a lab kimono instead of a lab coat. Awesome.

4. WITHOUT LOOKING, what time is it?

Um, 3:30?

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?

3:18. Close.

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

The air conditioner, someone walking in the hallway and the radio playing BBC Radio 1.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

I walked to the bank to order a massive amount of US dollars. Seriously, I could live in Mexico for a long time on this cash. It's lucky I'm so honest.

8. What are you wearing?

A white camisole-y top over a pink tank top with a pink flowered skirt. I'm ever so summery.

9. When did you last laugh?

When Ellie, my boss's daughter, was just in the office a few hours ago and doing pretend office work. She's hilarious.

10. Seen anything weird lately?

Weird? I don't think so.

11. What did you dream last night?

I can't remember. It's a pretty good bet that it was about work though.

12. When did you last laugh?

Dude. We already did this question. And no, I have not laughed since I answered question 9.

13. What's on the walls of the room you're in?

It's my office, so it's pretty boring. Some whiteboards, a plasma TV, my lists of phone numbers.

14. What do you think of this survey?

It's taking a lot longer than I thought it would. Memes are supposed to be speedy!!

15. What's the last film you saw?

Pirates of the Caribbean 2 with Julia. And it was so great. I loved it so much. Can I be a pirate when I grow up? Arrrrrrrrr.

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?

A new flat. Or a car. Probably a car, actually. Or some jewellery. Or some new clothes. I'm going to be honest, I have no idea. I'd probably be in a state of shock that would take me weeks to get over.

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know.

When I worked at a summer camp, all the counsellors had nicknames. Mine was Konobe, because I didn't know that Obi Wan was spelled Kenobi. My friend Jackie was Anniken. Again not knowing about the whole Anakin thing.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, what would you change?

Hmm, I guess I should be all altruistic and whatnot. But I think we all know that would be a lie. What I'd probably change is make it so that people were more honest with each other. Lying and game playing makes me tired.

19. Do you like to dance?

I love it! I especially like going dancing with the girls at The Garage. Good times!

20. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

I like Maggie, short for Margaret. Or Madeline. Or Alice Jr. We could call her AJ!

21. Boy?

AJ works for a boy or a girl! But my old school boy names are Simon and Elliot and I still like those.

22. Would you ever consider living abroad?

Well, I do. So yes.

The Routine

Every evening when I go to bed, I have a fairly clear idea of what the plan is for the following morning, timing wise.

It should look something like this:

• 7am - Alarm goes off. Press snooze button.
• 7:15am - Get out of bed. Open bedroom door and dodge kitten attack as they race into the bedroom.
• 7:20am - Have relaxing shower.
• 7:40am - Follow skincare regime - toner, moisturizer, eye cream. Admire fabulous looking skin.
• 7:45am - Return to bedroom and turn on TV to ITV3 to watch Quincy. Comb hair, apply styling product and begin drying.
• 7:55am - Finish drying hair, put on makeup, get dressed.
• 8:10am - Feed kittens, feed fish and water plants. Try to close bedroom door, remove kittens who have raced into bedroom, close bedroom door
• 8:20am - Locate iPod, mobile and anything else I'll need for the day. Brush teeth.
• 8:30am - Leave for work.
• 9:30am - Arrive at work, on time.

It seems so idyllic, doesn't it? And like a crazy person, every single night, I convince myself that this will be what happens in the morning.

I am twenty eight years old. I have been working full time for eight years. That's approximately 1,960 work days.

You would think that, by now, I would be more aware that this is going to be more likely the situation:

• 7am - Alarm goes off. Press snooze button.
• 7:15am - 8am - Continue pressing snooze button, deluding myself each time that I will get up after the alarm goes off the next time.
• 8:15am - Sit bolt upright in blind panic, realizing that I have to leave in 15 minutes.
• 8:16am - Race to bathroom, tripping over kittens in haste. Kick kittens out of bathroom after they attempt to jump in bathtub. Have world's fastest shower.
• 8:20am - Slap on toner and eye cream. There's no time to moisturize! Cannot admire face, as mirror is still steamed up from shower. Assume I look fine. Race back to bedroom.
• 8:22am - Turn on TV. Curse the fact that Quincy has been moved to 8:45 and I now have to watch stupid Heartbeat as I get ready. No time to find something better.
• 8:23am - Dry hair and get dressed at the same time. While choosing outfit, choices are limited, as a large portion of my wardrobe is disqualified. There is no time for ironing. Curse the pile of clothes on my chair, wrinkling clothes as they sit there.
• 8:26am - Put on makeup and jewellery at lightening speed.
• 8:28am - Kick kittens out of bedroom, and shut door.
• 8:29am - Realize I've forgotten my rings, phone and iPod. Get them. Kick kittens out of bedroom again, and shut the door.
• 8:32am - Feed kittens and fish. Debate whether or not there is time to water plants. Feel guilty for being a plant killer. Water plants.
• 8:36am - Brush teeth.
• 8:38am - Leave for work.
• 8:39am - Realize I've forgotten my phone, and whatever I needed to bring to work. Return to the flat.
• 8:42am - Leave for work again.
• 8:42am - Realize that although I have still forgotten something, I can't return to the flat again. There's no time!
• 9:45am - Arrive work. Late. Again.

Clearly, my morning plan has flaws. But unless I start setting my alarm for 5am, I don't think that this problem can be solved. Curse my love of the snooze button! Curse it!

I think the start is a new alarm clock - this one may be the ticket.

I am a plant killer no more.

I am a miracle worker. From mere seeds, I have created life. Truly, I have staggering abilities.

I have flowers! In my garden! That I planted myself, and they didn't even die!

To truly appreciate how cute that flower is, you really need to see it in detail. Isn't it just beautiful?

And not only that - the seeds in pots are a-bloomin' too!

And the plants that I bought and then re-potted? They're flowering and looking beautiful!

Seriously, I'm so proud of myself. Go me!

Best! Trip! Ever!

I wasn't going to write about it, because I thought it would jinx it, but since Heather spilled the beans, I guess I can tell y'all.

Guys, we are planning the BEST TRIP EVER.

Picture it: June 2008. Three sassy Canadian girls living in London and one as-yet-unnamed but sure to be equally sassy other girl fly from London to Halifax, Nova Scotia. Upon arrival, they hire a vehicle, as you would for almost any trip.

Do they hire a sensible compact car? A sporty convertible? A huge-ass SUV?

Oh, no. They hire possibly the coolest vehicle ever.

A recreational vehicle. That's right. A Winnebago. (And yes, I am aware that "Winnebago" is a brand name, but it just sounds cooler than "RV")

They then, over the course of the next three weeks, drive this kick ass vehicle across the whole of Canada, excluding Newfoundland and the territories. Territories are for suckers. I have no problem with Newfoundland, it's just inconveniently located.

Because I am a huge geek, as soon as Heather and I first discussed this, I worked up a tentative route that would get us across the country, from Halifax to Vancouver, in 21 days with rest stops in all the places we're from - Toronto, Winnipeg and Edmonton. And then I looked up the mileage, converted it from miles to kilometers, made an Excel spreadsheet, formatted it nicely and printed it off. Dude. I told you - huge geek.

We'd be looking at a total of over 7,150 kilometers (actually 7,159.7 by my reckoning) over the three weeks. In a Winnebago! How awesome is that?

I've always wanted to do this trip. And, as those of you who have heard me rave about the coolness of Winnebagos in the past will know, it only makes the dream better to do it in an RV. Think how much tacky souvenir crap I can buy! Bliss!

Because we are poor, it's going to take us some time to save up the money, hence the 2008 thing. But that just means more time for planning! How awesome!

I can't wait two years! I want to go now!

Man, I listen to an odd mix of music..

Yet another fun meme via Gwen. (updated 29 June with missing song titles added)

The Rules

Step 1: Put your iPod/MP3 player or iTunes on random.

Step 2: Post the first line(s) from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.

Step 3: Post it on your blog and let everyone guess what song and artist the lines come from.

Step 4: Update the list with the song title when someone guesses correctly. (I will identify any unguessed songs by next week some time.)

Step 5: Make your guesses by leaving a comment or sending me email. You have to identify both title and artist, and you're not allowed to Google any of these, either.

1. Hello, hello, hello, is there anybody in there? [Buffy: "Comfortably Numb" by Scissor Sisters]

2. Raise a little hell , raise a little hell, raise a little hell! (Man, these are tough, eh?) [Heather: "Raise A Little Hell" by Trooper]

3. It's been one week since you looked at me. [Aaron: "One Week" by Barenaked Ladies]

4. Four o'clock in the morning, my mind's filled with a thousand thoughts of you. [Le Chat: "Last Thing On My Mind" by Ronan Keating and LeAnn Rimes]

5. A lovestruck Romeo sings a streets a serenade [Kobrinsky: "Romeo & Juliet" by Dire Straits]

6. It's pretty good, the wine, the way that we look ["Used To Be Alright" by I Mother Earth]

7. I didn't hear you leave, I wonder how am I still here ["Here With Me" by Dido]

8. Come to my window [Aaron: "Come To My Window" by Melissa Ethridge]

9. Hey now, where you going with that load of nothing in your hand [Jocelyne: "Going Down To Liverpool" by The Bangles]

10. Touch me, how can it be, believe me [Lady Librarian: "The Sun Always Shines On TV" by Aha]

11. Drove downtown in the rain [Aaron: "Brian Wilson" by Barenaked Ladies]

12. She calls me from the cold ["Shimmer" by Fuel]

13. Hello, I saw you, I know you, I knew you [Stinkydog: "Pop Song 89" by REM]

14. Once upon a time, not so long ago, Tommy used to work on the docks [Aaron: "Livin' On A Prayer" by Bon Jovi]

15. I took my love and I took it down [Gwen: "Landslide" by Dixie Chicks]

16. As he sat down upon the train, silence settled in his brain [Le Chat: "Runaway Train" by Blue Rodeo]

17. Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you [Aaron: "Wonderwall" by Oasis]

18. We've got stars directing our fate [Buffy: "Millenium" by Robbie Williams]

19. Little ditty about Jack and Diane [Gwen: "Jack and Diane" by John Cougar Mellencamp]

20. Now there's a backseat lover that's always under cover [Sarah: "Walk This Way" by Run-DMC]

I'm a little embarassed by some of that, but I'm going to power through the shame. And it's amusing how many of them are SO FREAKING EASY!

Concrete Blonde

Brad asked: What I want to know is do you still have that Concrete Blonde t-shirt?

Answer: Hell yeah.

Imagine, if you will, Toronto in September 1992. A young girl from a small town is about to attend her first non New Kids On The Block concert with her two best friends. It's Concrete Blonde on their Walking In London tour and Wendy was a big fan.

All three of us bought t-shirts, as I am prone to do at concerts, and Steph and I wore them pretty constantly. By the time I got to university, it was pretty worn out but I still loved it. It was my signature look - long black skirt, Doc Marten MaryJane style shoes, tights, Concrete Blonde t-shirt and plaid shirt.

I don't wear it anymore, but it's still a much loved item of clothing. It's comfort clothes. It's lasted 14 years, and I think with a bit of care, it'll last another 14.

Question

Internet, I have a question for you.

Let's say you get an order of chips (that's what those crazy Brits call fries, for all you North Americans) with your kebab when you come home a bit tipsy on a Monday night. Now, you don't feel like eating them at the time, so you stick them in the fridge. Then, the next day, you reheat them in the microwave and eat them.

Gross or no?

Outed: I am a Bon Jovi fan.

In January, tickets went on sale for a concert. A concert that I had a not-so-secret desire to see. I immediately called Buni and Sarah, thinking they were pretty much my only friends would be up for the concerty goodness. Sarah declined, as she had already seen the band in concert. Buni was in.

And thus it began.

I bought Bon Jovi tickets.

They were more than I thought they would be, but still I thought, Bon Jovi. C'mon! They're clearly worth it. It was scheduled to be at the new Wembley Arena, so I bought mediocre seats and thought no more of it.

A few months ago, I got an email from Ticketmaster. Wembley wasn't going to be ready, so the concert was being moved to Milton Keynes. Travelling to see Bon Jovi? Even better! Now it's an event!

And yesterday was event day.

The gates opened at 2, so we figured we'd get there for about 3. Nickelback, the opening band, was scheduled to go on at 6, so that would give us plenty of time to snag a good spot. Oh, that's right. We did some planning.

This was the crowd when we arrived. We got there at about 4, and we thought this was crowded.

Oh, we had no idea what was coming. We snagged a spot on the sloped bit, just to the right of this walkway thingy.

After about an hour, a few more people had turned up.

Man, that's a lot of people. So, we sat in the sun for a few hours, drank some beers, contemplated which t-shirts to buy, chatted, the usual. Good times were had by all.

At about 5:30ish, the first opening band went on. It was a band called Spin, who won some kind of contest on some radio station to open for Bon Jovi. They were from Leeds, I think. They were kind of annoying. The lead singer was all "Milton Keynes! You must love us! Now sing along to this song you've never heard! Woooo!" Dude. Relax. They're here to see Bon Jovi. No one cares about you.

Nickelback was on after them. Now, I am not a Nickelback fan. I find them annoying. I tend to describe their music as "that one song and all those other songs that sound like that one song." So, I assumed that they would suck.

Now, we all know what happens when we "assume", don't we? That's right. Nickelback isn't as bad as you think they'll be. What? That's the definition of assume that I'm familiar with. This is just the first time I've been able to properly use it.

The lead singer guy was very funny and charming. So even though I wasn't the hugest fan of their music, I find myself liking them now. At one point Buni turned to me and said "Dude, he just sounded just like you." We're both Canadian. It's in our Canadian genes. We're funny, and we all sound the same.

Not everyone enjoyed the Nickelback though.

This lady slept right through them. Well, you can't win 'em all.

But then Nickelback was done! And you know what that means!

That's right. The last of the sixty five thousand people turned up. All there for Bon Jovi. Sixty. Five. THOUSAND. That is a LOT of freaking Bon Jovi fans.

And then there they were! Bon Jovi, right there in front of me. Well, there were about thirty thousand people in between us. But still!

Bon Jovi! Hee! They came onstage, and I turned to Buni and was all "Dude! That's totally Bon Jovi!" Hee!

I have to say, they were pretty awesome. They played for two and a half hours, pretty much straight. They played most of their big hits, and in a good order. They mixed the big singalong hits with the slightly more obscure songs and newer stuff. And they were great.

They had a bass player, rhythm guitarist and keyboard player with them, but they didn't get any screen time. That was all for Bon Jovi. And they were awesome.

The part that I loved best was that they were clearly having such a good time. And they obviously like each other a lot. And goddamn, Jon Bon Jovi is a good looking guy when he smiles. They were obviously loving the fact that there were sixty five thousand Bon Jovi fans singing along with every word.

When they sang "Livin' On A Prayer", Jon Bon Jovi started by singing the chorus alone by himself on the stage, and got the whole audience singing along. Sixty five thousand people singing the chorus to your song, and clearly loving every single second. How could that not be the biggest rush of all time?

It was dark by this time, and when the song started, the sea of people in front of me lit up with little white lights. Thousands of people recording video and audio on their mobile phones. Awesome.

They didn't play "Blaze of Glory", which was the only disappointment, but it's technically a Jon Bon Jovi solo song, so I didn't really mind.

As the concert was ending, I was getting nervous though. Sixty five thousand people in Milton Keynes. Now, let's say that a quarter of those people were taking the train back to London. That's probably a conservative estimate. So, that's sixteen thousand two hundred and fifty people getting trains, the last of which is leaving at 12:13am. Bon Jovi finished at 10:30. It's a half hour walk back to the station. That means that there will be one hour and 13 minutes to get those sixteen thousand two hundred and fifty people onto trains.

Obviously, some of them are going to be stranded in Milton Keynes. I was determined to not be one of those people. Fortunately, we got on a train. I was happy that we made one. Not everyone shared that sensible attitude. This short blonde woman wearing inappropriate footwear was moaning the entire time we were lined up to get into the station. Now, I thought they had the whole thing organized pretty well. The line was moving, they were only letting people into the station when there were trains to get on, and there were obviously more trains than normal running. But no, she was all "this is so stupid and frustrating, I'm meeting someone, why am I not on a train already, I'm so angry, this is so annoying, why aren't I on a train, I'd better meet that person or I'll kick some ass".

I wanted to kick her ass, but I resisted. I'm strong like that. We got on a train, sadly without any seats left. I sat on the floor and we got to Euston in time for me to catch the second last tube train. Sweet!

Not so sweet was Buni's experience on the tube, where she caught her last train, and ended up on the same car as annoying blonde woman. Apparently her friend was pointing out to her that even though they got back to London later than she planned, they were lucky enough to get the last tube train. Obviously, logic is not welcome to such a crazy person. She's just lucky I wasn't on that train, because I don't know if I'm strong enough not to have kicked her ass then. You do not want to mess with me.

In summary: Bon Jovi is awesome. Blonde women with inappropriate footwear are annoying. The rest of the photos are here. Woo! Bon Jovi!

This Post Is Not About Bon Jovi

I was all set for the next post to be a witty and entertaining story of the adventures of Buni and Alice and their Bon Jovi concert attendance.

That was until a bug flew in my ear.

People, a bug flew in my ear.

It did not hover in the perimeter of my ear area. It did not do an uncomfortably close fly-by that freaked me out. It did not fly into my hair and get stuck.

A bug just flew into my ear. Into the inside of my ear. As in, there was a bug in my head.

Now you might be the most rational and calm and able to deal with a crisis person in the world. But I defy you to remain calm when a bug flies into your ear. It's just not possible.

It's not just freaky because you're aware of the bug on a logical level, and it's icky. It's freaky because you can hear the wings flapping inside your head. INSIDE YOUR HEAD. And that is a level of freakoutedness that I had not believed possible, until I achieved it moments ago.

My first instinct was a "get it out get it out get it out get it out" panic that had me scratching and poking and trying to get the bug out. That didn't do anything, and the bug was clearly panicking as the wing flapping was very intense and frequent. My freaking out only increased with the bug's panic levels, so I raced to the bathroom to try and use a Q-Tip to extricate the bug. That was also unsuccessful. Also unsuccessful was banging the other side of my head, as if I had water stuck in ear, and not a living, breathing flapping bug.

I was practically in tears at this point, so decided to call NHS Direct to see if they had any protocol on getting bugs out of people's ears. Maybe there's a system. I don't know. I've never had a bug in my head before.

Imagine, if you will, my panic increasing and freakoutedness reaching startling new levels as I proceed to do the following: start up the computer, open Explorer, Google "NHS Direct", call, listen to the huge introduction message, get disconnected, call again, listen to the huge message again, get put on hold, and finally speak to someone.

She refused to talk to me, because I don't know the number I am calling from. They need a call-back number apparently. And yes, perhaps I should know my own home number by heart, but I never call it! Or give it out to people! Or really use the phone for anything except ordering takeaway food.

Anyway, she wouldn't help me, so I hung up in disgust.

By this point, the flapping had slowed. It was now a long pause, feeble flap, long pause pattern, rather than the short pause, intense burst of speedy flapping, short pause that was FREAKING ME OUT.

And then the the flapping stopped.

So, you know earlier, when I was all "I had a bug in my head"? That was misleading.

The truth is I have a bug in my head.

But I think it's dead now, so hopefully I can get some sleep.

Hello Kitty!

Well, hi there Internet! I'm glad you stopped by. I've got a couple adorable girls I'd like you to meet.

Meet the most adorable kittens in the world.

The name debate carried on until yesterday afternoon, when my friend Jess at work pointed out that I would be getting them on 06/06/06, so they should have eeeeeeeeeevil names. Jess came up with the names, and Aaron came up with the abbreviations. It's all about teamwork here at the blog. My friends are very clever, so I'd like you to meet Lucy and Beez.

Lucy (short for Lucifer) is on the left, and she's very adventurous and outgoing. She's also sleeker looking and a bit bigger. Beez (short for Beelzebub) is on the right and she's much shyer. She's also quite fluffy.

And they could not be cuter if they tried. Seriously, they're adorable. It's a wonder I could make it to work today, what with the overwhelming cute factor in my flat threatening to keep me at home.

How can you not love this face?

This is Beez, looking adorable.

They were a bit shy and scared when I brought them home and had them in the kitchen, but once they got into the living room, the inhibitions came off and the cuteness ran rampant.

They really liked the shelves.

They're just as cute as can be and I love them to bits already. We just need to work on Beez's shyness. Last night, Lucy slept on my bed and Beez slept under it. Aw, bless.

For the full photo spectacular, Flickr away, Internet. Enjoy.

In anticipation of KITTENS!!...

I give you the nerd test.



The kittens will not be nerds.

Potential Cat Names

Right, people. I am getting the adorable kitties in a mere 6 days! I am very excited.

So, now it's time to think about names. These are the current forerunners.

Cagney & Lacey

Lucy & Ethel

Laverne & Shirley

Betty & Veronica

Mary & Rhoda

Mary Jo & Carlene

Wilma & Betty

It's time to vote! Alternate TV and/or comic themed female duo names welcome in the comments.

What should the kitties be named?
	Cagney & Lacey
	Lucy & Ethel
	Laverne & Shirley
	Betty & Veronica
	Mary & Rhoda
	Mary Jo & Carlene
	Betty & Wilma
Free polls from Pollhost.com

This is so true.

Your results:
You are Catwoman

Catwoman 90% Wonder Woman 85% Green Lantern 85% Iron Man 80% Spider-Man 75% Superman 70% Supergirl 60% Hulk 60% Batman 55% Robin 45% The Flash 45%

You have had a tough childhood, you know how to be a thief and exploit others but you stand up for society's cast-offs.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

Television Designed To Make Me Cry

So, I'm sitting here on a Tuesday night, waiting for my chest of drawers I sold on eBay to be picked up, watching a bit of TV.

I'm watching an episode of King of Queens when an ad pops up on the screen that makes my heart go all a-flutter and my eyes begin to well up in anticipation.

Paramount Comedy, a channel that shows American and British sitcoms, does this thing on weekends, where they have a theme, and the weekend is dedicated to it. Recently there was an "Americana" weekend, with episodes of Cheers, Roseanne and the Wonder Years all weekend. Quality. You see the idea.

And what are they planning for the coming weekend? Oh, they're airing is airing a Finale Weekend. I won't tell you who it was that was once caught crying over the last episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, but you have to be made of stone to not get a little weepy when Will tells Uncle Phil that he wants to call him and Aunt Viv on Sundays, when his kids call, and Uncle Phil hugs Will and says "you are one of my kids." Seriously, you're dry-eyed? Are you actually made of stone?

Anyway, the point is that I am so the target audience for the Finale Weekend. It looks like in the ad that there are finales for Cheers, Frasier, Seinfeld, Roseanne, M*A*S*H, Ally McBeal, Veronica's Closet, and Becker. I do not care about the last two, but I am prepared to weep like a baby at all the others.

I love a good finale. Tears at the ready!

Kittens!

For quite some time now, I've been wanting to get a cat. I couldn't have one in any of the rented places I was in, and now that I'm in my own place, I thought this is the time.

But my first attempts did not go well. I called one cat rescue place, and I couldn't manage to coordinate with the woman who needed to do a home visit because she was very weird. Then I went to the Battersea Dog's Home and went through the whole interview process, but they needed to visit my house to make sure I had a cat flap to the garden, and anyway they mostly have old cats and I wanted kittens or young cats.

I mentioned this to Jess in the office the other day, and she got all clever on the internet and found an ad on a London forum from a lady who had two kittens she was looking for a home for. After some emailing and calling, I went to see them yesterday, and they are the cutest things ever.

The two black ones are the females, and they're the ones I'm going to take. The ginger kitty is their brother, and he's staying with his mum.

The one on the top of the kitty pile is pure black with some white patches on her tummy, and she's the shyest of the kittens. The middle one in the kitty pile looks like she'll be black and brown tortoiseshell patterned with some white patches on her tummy, and she's the most outgoing of the kittens.

They could not be cuter if they took a PhD in cuteness. They'll be ready to leave their mum in two weeks, so I'll get to have them then. Yay! I'm very excited about all the kitten adorableness.

And I would completely recommend as the antidote to a bad day at work the cuddling of kittens. I was in a horrible mood when I left the office, and in a great mood when I got home.

Now, to think of names. Any suggestions?

Sleeping Stories

Those of you who know me in the real world will know that I'm a pretty sound sleeper. And by "pretty sound", I mean that when I told my mother I was the fire warden in my residence in the first year of university, her response was "But if there's a fire in the middle of the night, you won't wake up! What if your whole floor dies?" Thankfully her prediction did not come true and it was a fire free year. I did get a very ugly hat out of it, but that's not really the point.

I know what you're thinking. "Sure, sure. You're a sound sleeper. I know lots of sound sleepers. You surely must be exaggerating for comic effect." I appreciate that you are a discerning and questioning audience, so I will support my claim with the facts.

Example 1

I am thirteen years old and living in Goderich. Our house was on the very edge of town, and just past us was a field with a barn in it. One night, the barn caught fire and burned down. Now, you can imagine that this was a pretty spectacular sight. Pitch black sky. Burning barn. Clearly, a sight to be seen. So, my parents woke up my brother, brought him to the window, and tried to wake up me. Now, I have no memory of this, but apparently, after much shaking and talking, I got out of bed, walked to the window and proceeded to babble about random non-fire related things. At this point, my parents realized that I was still asleep and I wasn't waking up any time soon. They walked me back to bed, and proceeded to have all the fun of watching a building burn down without me.

Example 2

I am eighteen years old and at university. My friend Sean has left his shoes in my room during a night of drinking and merriment. When he wakes up in the morning, he realizes that he is shoe-less. Normally, this wouldn't be a huge problem, but on this particular day, he was going to see the Dini Petty Show being filmed. I do not recall him being a big Dini Petty fan, so I'm not sure why this was.

Anyway, many hours after his departure, I wake up to the following messages on my phone:

Message 1: "Hey Alice, it's Sean. I left my shoes in your room, so I'm going to come and get them. Be there in a sec."

Message 2: "Hey Alice, it's Sean again. I just knocked on your door for like five minutes. Are you there? I'm going to try again. I need my shoes."

Message 3: "Right, that didn't work. I know you're in there. WAKE UP! I'm going to try again."

Message 4: "Do you have a head injury? Should I seek medical help? Why won't you wake up?? I'm trying one more time."

Message 5: "Fine, keep the shoes."

Example 3

I am twenty four years old and living in London. My clubbing flatmates have arrived home at four in the morning with a group of mutual friends. They decide, in their drunkenness and/or highness, to include me in their fun. Allegedly, flatmate Claire knocked on my door, opened it, and said very loudly "Hey Alice, want to come and have a drink with us?" Allegedly, I sat up in bed, growled and/or muttered something unintelligible, lay down again and was all cozy in sleep land once again. I heard the story the next day. It was considered quite the high comedy and it took me moving out of the crazy flat to escape it.

So, you can see. I am a sound sleeper.

But every good rule has an exception. I worked at a summer camp for four years. And, for the last two of those years, I lived with my friend Kristine in the youngest kids' section. And if one of those kids even whispered my name in the middle of the night, I was up like a shot, and in their cabin to find out what was wrong. The someone-in-need is the only thing that can penetrate my sound sleeping.

Last night, I was sound asleep, when I thought I heard flatmate Buffy say my name. Well, I thought I heard her say "Al", which is what I am called from time to time. I was immediately up like shot and crept into the hallway.

Me (whispering): Buffy? Are you okay?

Buffy: [silence]

Me (slightly louder): Buffy? Is everything all right?

Buffy (appearing at her door): What? Of course it is.

Me (confused): Oh. I thought I heard you say my name.

Buffy (also confused): Um, no.

Me (still confused): Okay, goodnight then.

Buffy (no longer confused): I did run into the crate on the floor when I was coming back from the bathroom. I said "ow" real quiet like.

Me (so very tired): Right. Ow and Al are different words. Goodnight.

And what is the lesson we learn from this? If you are in the vicinity of me sleeping, do not speak quietly and say anything even remotely resembling my name, because apparently that will wake me up.

I would prefer to be yelled at by name and shaken. I'll sleep right through that.

Garden Update

And speaking of gardens, this was the garden growing situation on April 30th.

Three weeks later, the same pot. I think I might have flowers soon!

It's all very exciting!

In which Alice is proved wrong

Remember when I had problems with pigeons? No, not that time. The other time.

Anyway, Sean left this comment at the time:

You think the pigeons are bad?

Just wait till the squirrels find your pretty feeders.

On the up-side, you will get to watch the ominous Squirrel/Pigeon war as it unfolds. In future days, you will be able to refer to it as the war of aught-six, and discuss the cunning infantry rushes, or the role of Air-power in controlling strategic feeder positions.

Or, you could just dust off and nuke the site from orbit.It's the only way to be sure.

And what was my response? I laughed. Oh, I laughed.

Don't worry about me, I laughed. Squirrels aren't nearly as common here as they are in Canada. I've only ever seen them in parks. I'm sure it won't be a problem. Ha ha, I laughed. Squirrels. How silly.

So, I'm sitting this morning, drinking a cup of coffee and watching the Golden Girls (it was the episode where Blanche gives the other girls a share in the house to avoid one of them being evicted and Dorothy finds out that Sophia was married before she married Dorothy's father).

Anyway, I hear a bit of rustling in the garden. And what do I see?

Oh, that's right. It's a squirrel. And I can't be sure about this, but I think he's eating a peanut from the feeder. His eyes weren't as glowing red and evil as they appear in the photo. He was actually kind of cute. Or, he was until he started to make a run for it.

He knew I was watching! Look at him! He's out to get me!! I'll be keeping an eye on this little sneaky squirrel, you can count on that.

But I've got to say. I'd take ten thousand of these little bastards over even one pigeon. They're vermin, I tell you. VERMIN!

(And now I've got a terrifying vision of ten thousand evil squirrels out to get me. Enter nightmares ........ now.)

RIP Little Fish

We've suffered a sad loss at Casa Alice today. A member of the family is sadly no longer with us.

Little Fish succumbed today to a long unknown illness. He'd managed two moves, a holiday stay at a friends, and a brief period where he was almost named Tenille. But he'd been unwell since the move from Tufnell Park, and after a brief return to his usual charming self, he passed away today.

I've had Little, as he was affectionately known, for just over two years, and he was an absolute delight that entire time. Although smaller than his buddy Big, he was no less friendly and charismatic. He had a wonderful personality, and I like to think that he knew me. He may have been just a fish, but he was loved.

Little Fish, April 2004 - May 2006.

He is survived by his longtime bowlmate Big, newer friends Grumpy and Pretty, owner Alice and flatmate Buffy. After a brief memorial service, he was laid to rest in the garden.

Goodbye little buddy. You'll be missed.

Reasons I Could Not Call In Sick To Work Today

• My phone was dead, so I couldn't send the subtle yet effective "am ill, staying home, on mobile if you need me" text.
• My new phone, with hopefully longer battery life, is supposed to arrive at work today, and I can easily devote an hour of work time to playing with it.
• We do have a big meeting tomorrow that I should prep for.
• My hangover is really telling me that I want a baked potato with coleslaw and cheese for lunch, and I can't get that at my house.
• I have plans to go to the pub quiz tonight, and my mother's mantra of "if you're too sick to go to school, you're too sick to go out" means that I will feel too guilty to do that.
• Who will spend hours of work time browsing the internet if I'm not there to do it?
• I am not actually sick.